He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
be right there i have to get my cape
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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