God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
