Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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