the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
