cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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