yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
