I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
