Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize