Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Randomize
