I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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