Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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