I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
