I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize