Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
