Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
No subtext here. People are naked.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
