Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize