Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
