I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Hippo gnu deer
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
