Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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