CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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