We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
