I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize