I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize