went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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