so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
