Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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