well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
