Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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