He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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