hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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