Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
