Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
