2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
