I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
