possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
