i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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