So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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