4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Randomize
