For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
This baby is an asshole
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
