I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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