Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
