one might say we're banned from that church
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
