If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
