maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
