They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
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