If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
