Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
