all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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