Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
