how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
