Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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