Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
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