are you still at the devil's house?
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
