she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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