We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Blow job season was short but glorious.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
