Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
