y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
