we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
