Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
