Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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