wakey wakey hands off snakey
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
