cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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