DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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