1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
