i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Of course I have a pirate flag
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
